Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
