Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
