i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
