Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
