I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
