ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
