First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Let's paint friendship bongs
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
