sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
