So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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