He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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