I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Randomize
