that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
