You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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