They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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