They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
