shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
