If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
