walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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