Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
