I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
is that a dick in a sweater?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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