My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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