You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
