My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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