the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
