I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
