oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
