i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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