My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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