I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
