so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
