fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I need a burrito and a hug.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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