either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
