someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
