people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
