We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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