Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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