Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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