I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
