you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
