I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
