I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
