Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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