He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
