I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
