I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
