just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
