Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
