My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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