Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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