JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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