I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
