I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
