your room smells of hookers.
And success
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
