Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
