im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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