I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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